This devar Torah, composed by our member Rabbi Paul Bloom, is based on a recording of a parashah shiur by Rabbi Wein ztz’l that was made seven years ago.
The Torah often presents us with passages that challenge our moral
sensibilities, forcing us to confront difficult realities of human life and
history. One such section appears in parashat
Ki Teitzei, where the Torah addresses the case of the Yefat To’ar — the “beautiful captive
woman.” The laws given here highlight a profound tension between the brutality
of war and the values of Torah, between the raw instincts of human nature and
the discipline demanded by holiness.
War and the Breakdown of Restraint
Chazal recognized that war unleashes forces that cannot always be
contained. As the Torah states:
כִּי־תֵצֵא לַמִּלְחָמָה עַל־אֹיְבֶיךָ וּנְתָנוֹ ה׳ אֱלֹקיךָ בְּיָדֶךָ וְשָׁבִיתָ שִׁבְיוֹ. וְרָאִיתָ בַּשִּׁבְיָה אֵשֶׁת יְפַת־תֹּאַר וְחָשַׁקְתָּ בָהּ וְלָקַחְתָּ לְךָ לְאִשָּׁה
(דברים כא:י–יא)
“When you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord your God
delivers them into your hands, and you take captives; and you see among the
captives a beautiful woman, and you desire her, then you may take her for
yourself as a wife.”
Rashi explains:
לא דיברה תורה אלא כנגד יצר הרע
(קידושין כא ב)
“The Torah spoke here only
in relation to the evil inclination.”
The Ramban adds that the Torah permitted this not because it is
good, but because in the chaos of war the yetzer
hara is too strong, and without regulation, far worse sins would occur. The
Torah, however, warns of its outcome:
וְהָיָה אִם־לֹא חָפַצְתָּ בָּהּ וְשִׁלַּחְתָּהּ לְנַפְשָׁהּ… לֹא תִתְעַמֵּר בָּהּ תַּחַת אֲשֶׁר עִנִּיתָהּ
(דברים כא:יד)
“If you do not desire her, then you shall let her go free… you may
not treat her as a slave, because you have afflicted her.”
The Gemara (Sanhedrin 107a) links Yefat To’ar to David and Avshalom, teaching that such concessions
often plant the seeds of future tragedy. Radak notes that Avshalom’s rebellion
reflected the instability born of David’s complex household.
Polygamy in the Ancient World
Immediately after Yefat To’ar,
the Torah describes another case:
כִּי־תִהְיֶיןָ לְאִישׁ שְׁתֵּי נָשִׁים הָאַחַת אֲהוּבָה וְהָאַחַת שְׂנוּאָה…
(דברים כא:טו)
“If a man has two wives, one beloved and the other hated…”
The Ramban explains that the Torah places Yefat To’ar, polygamy, and the rebellious son together to teach us
a chain: indulging passion leads to jealousy, and jealousy leads to broken
families and rebellious children.
From Polygamy to the Ban of Rabbeinu Gershom
In the 10th century, Rabbeinu Gershom (Me’or HaGolah) of Mainz issued his famous ban:חרם דרבנו גרשום — forbidding polygamy in
Ashkenazi communities.
Violators were placed under communal ban. Rare exceptions (heter me’ah rabbanim) were allowed in
extreme cases, such as when a wife was incapacitated and unable to receive a get.
Radak, commenting on Elkanah’s two wives (I Samuel 1), observed that such arrangements almost always caused
pain and jealousy, as with Chana and Peninah. The ban thus aligned with the
Torah’s deeper vision: sanctity within marriage and peace within the home. Though
Sephardic communities did not originally adopt the ban, the practice eventually
disappeared. In modern Israel, while older polygamous marriages were
recognized, new ones were forbidden — making Rabbeinu Gershom’s decree
universally binding in practice.
Evolving Law, Eternal Values
The Torah does not idealize war or polygamy. Rather, it
acknowledges them as concessions to human weakness while pointing toward a
higher moral standard. The Ramban teaches that the placement of these passages
is deliberate: Yefat To’ar → Polygamy → Rebellious Son. The
Torah warns us that small compromises to the yetzer hara may lead to family breakdown and societal decline.
A Takeaway for Our Time
These passages remind us that the Torah is not an abstract code
detached from life’s struggles. It recognizes human impulses, but it calls upon
us to rise above them.
●
The
Torah’s restraint on Yefat To’ar
teaches that we must never sanctify
passion simply because it feels inevitable; instead, we channel it with
discipline and holiness.
●
The story
of polygamy shows that family harmony
depends on fidelity, equality, and compassion, not on multiplying
options.
●
The ban
of Rabbeinu Gershom demonstrates how halakhah
evolves to reflect eternal Torah values in changing times, always
striving for justice, dignity, and peace.
Ultimately, the Torah pushes us toward a vision of life where the
home is built not on conquest or rivalry, but on faith, loyalty, and love.
Am Yisrael has always been called to live by higher
standards, even in the most difficult circumstances. The Torah does not hide
human weakness, but it teaches us how to transform weakness into strength, how
to bring holiness even into the battlefield, and how to sanctify the bonds of
family. In our generation, as the Jewish people return to their Land and
rebuild their nation, these lessons carry renewed meaning. We are challenged to
create homes of faith and compassion, to build a society guided by Torah values,
and to serve as a living example of “כִּי הִוא חָכְמַתְכֶם וּבִינַתְכֶם
לְעֵינֵי הָעַמִּים” — “for
this is your wisdom and your understanding in the eyes of the nations” (דברים ד:ו). By striving for holiness in our private
and communal lives, we bring closer the day when Israel truly shines as a light
to the nations.
