Where the Same Life Begins to Move

 How do we measure change in a lifestyle that appears to consist of nothing but endlessly repeating cycles of action and consequence? Is growth even possible in such a cycle? Perhaps it is not merely possible but essential. Our member Rabbi Steven Ettinger explains.

There are stretches of life that feel settled long before anything has actually settled. Not peaceful—just patterned. A person moves through the same responses, restrains himself where he knows he must, fails where he has failed before, and returns again without anything clearly breaking or resolving. It does not feel like movement. It feels like continuation.

Into that eixtence the Torah speaks without waiting for proof—kedoshim tihyu. Not after change, not once something has shifted, but as if the shift is already underway—and as if it is meant to reach a place where it can remain. This makes the Ramban’s warning harder to ignore: a person can live fully within the framework of Torah and remain essentially unchanged—not because he is doing anything wrong, but because nothing in him is actually moving. The actions may be correct, even consistent, yet they can settle into a kind of spiritual stillness where a person is no longer growing, only subsisting. And that is the danger—not failure, but stagnation; not distance, but sameness. A life that appears complete can quietly lose its sense of becoming.

From the inside, though, that sameness is not experienced as a concept but as repetition. You return to the same impatience, the same lapse in attention, the same quiet compromise. You try again, and it unfolds again. After a while, even effort begins to feel like part of the pattern—movement that does not seem to lead anywhere.

Rabbi Tzadok HaKohen writes that the deepest forms of change often take place beneath the level at which a person expects to recognize them, so that from within they can feel indistinguishable from standing still (Pri Tzadik, Kedoshim). That claim is difficult not because it is abstract, but because it asks a person to take seriously what he cannot yet see.

Still, something begins to give—not in the outcome, which may return as before, but in the experience of it. There are moments, brief and unsettled, in which a person registers what is happening even as it unfolds. He does not stop it. He does not redirect it. But he is no longer entirely carried by it. That does not resolve the pattern. But it alters it. The next time he returns, it is not quite untouched. Something of what was seen remains, and the repetition, though familiar, no longer feels entirely closed.

The Noam Elimelech describes holiness not as leaving the ordinary, but as refusing to disappear completely into it (Noam Elimelech, Kedoshim). Not escape—interruption. And what interrupts does not vanish. It leaves something behind, subtle but persistent, that begins to gather across returns.

In Whiplash (2014), a young drummer is driven back into the same passages again and again, each return stripping away whatever sense of mastery he thought he had achieved. The music itself does not change, but his encounter with it does. With each repetition, he becomes more precisely aware of where control breaks—not once, but in a way that begins to accumulate. The failure remains, but it no longer lands on untouched ground.

That awareness does not protect him. It unsettles him. He is no longer carried by habit, but not yet able to hold something new. And yet the repetitions are no longer empty. Each return sharpens something, builds something, even as it destabilizes him.

Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe once listened to a student describe how he kept returning to the same struggles despite sustained effort—the same lapses, the same inability to hold onto clarity.

“I don’t see that anything is changing,” the student said.

Rav Wolbe was quiet.

“When you return,” he asked, “is it exactly the same place?”

“It feels the same.”

“Does it feel as comfortable as it once did?”

The student paused.

“No. I notice it more.”

Rav Wolbe nodded.

“Then you are not in the same place.”

He did not say the pattern would break. Only that something within it had already begun to shift—and that what shifts, even without stabilizing, is not without direction.

And over time, that direction begins to register. Not as a clear transformation, and not as something that can yet be held, but as a quiet certainty that the effort is not empty. That what once felt like circling has begun, almost without announcement, to move forward. The same struggles remain—but they no longer feel meaningless. There is something in them now that points beyond them.

The Kedushat Levi writes that holiness is not something a person enters and remains within at once, but something he turns toward repeatedly until it can begin to hold (Kedushat Levi, Kedoshim). This means that the repetition is not a failure of change—it is the form that change takes before it becomes strong enough to remain.

At the end of Whiplash, nothing is resolved. The performance does not prove stability or mastery. But it reveals something that cannot be undone: the same act is no longer inhabited in the same way. What has been built—uneven, incomplete—has begun to take form.

And perhaps that is what the Torah is naming—not a holiness that appears all at once, but one that is formed through returns that are never entirely the same, until, at some point that cannot be clearly marked. What once felt like repetition is recognized as progress— and the life that seemed to be circling begins, quietly, to move toward and is now something that can endure eternally.

Keep it modest, keep it pure! Kedoshim 5784

How does the Torah measure holiness and sanctity, personal dignity and respect for others? The answer lies in the ability to control and channel one’s physical desires. The Torah does not support celibacy; nor does it demand any degree of self-mortification or masochism. It does however demand most certainly that we behave in a responsible and balanced manner.

In addressing the concept of sanctity, the Torah also outlines a necessary and omnipresent nuance in our lives—the link between our mental and physical behavior. The rabbis have taught us that humans willingly sin only when a manner of distorted thinking—a type of insanity, if you will—affects our minds. 

Judaism has always fought a lonely and mainly unpopular battle against sexual immorality and flagrantly wanton behavior, from the days of the Canaanites, through the Greeks and the Romans, on to the debauchery of much of the Medieval Age. Now as we witness the current unchecked and unrestrained attitudes of modern society, traditional Judaism has decried lewdness and the lust for self-gratification in sexual matters. It demands that people be kedoshim—separated from immoral behavior and forbidden liaisons. This requires self-control, the avoidance of compromising and dangerous situations and a realization that ultimate good sense should triumph over the pursuit of the fleeting pleasures of the moment. 

Judaism thus expects us to take a position that is unfashionable in the eyes of contemporary society. Yet, over the long history of human civilization, this position has proven to be the only true catalyst for a healthy, happy family life and a harmonious social compact. Many people, Jews included, mock the protective measures that Jewish tradition has developed to ensure a society that aspires to be kadosh. But we can ask: has the mingling of the sexes in synagogue worship in the non-Orthodox world brought any great degree of comfort to those people who sit together? Rather, it has led to a drastic decline in synagogue attendance and group participation. 

The concepts of modesty in dress, speech and behavior are unfortunately completely absent and alien in most of modern society. Indeed, scarcely does there pass a day when we are not made aware of the presence of sexual misconduct among those who seemingly should know better.

 Judaism preaches defensive behavior and the avoidance of situations that could lead to problems. These defensive measures are mocked and scorned by the progressives of the current world, yet we can all see the tragic personal and national consequences when such defensive measures are absent or ignored. 

Mental health experts have told me that pornography, especially on the internet, is the newest serious addiction in our schools, surpassing even drug abuse.  Protected by the noble ideal of free speech, it ravages our society and creates a dangerous generation of dysfunctional individuals. The entertainment industry in all of its facets has been polluted beyond recognition by its pandering to the basest animalistic desires of its patrons. Nevertheless, the Torah does not waver in its demand. We must be kedoshim and swim against this tide. We must persevere in our age-long quest to be a holy and dedicated people.

 Shabbat shalom, Rabbi Berel Wein